{"id":32051,"date":"2021-03-22T08:53:09","date_gmt":"2021-03-22T13:53:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselor.com\/?p=32051"},"modified":"2021-03-22T12:51:53","modified_gmt":"2021-03-22T17:51:53","slug":"only-counsel-the-person-in-the-room-does-not-mean-only-focus-on-their-sin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/biblicalcounselor.com\/?p=32051","title":{"rendered":"\u201cOnly Counsel the Person in the Room\u201d Does Not Mean \u201cOnly Focus on Their Sin\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

One of the \u201cadages\u201d or sayings or principles in biblical counseling is, \u201conly counsel the person in the room.\u201d For example, if you\u2019re counseling a husband and he\u2019s focused on all the ways his wife has failed him, a biblical counselor might say:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhile we\u2019re sorry for all the pain you\u2019re going through with your wife; she\u2019s not here so we can\u2019t counsel her. But you are here; so let\u2019s counsel you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In itself, that can make sense. It\u2019s logical. So what problems might develop from that approach?<\/span><\/p>\n

If All You Have Is a Hammer\u2026<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

You\u2019ve heard the saying, \u201cIf all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The idea: if we\u2019re not careful, we can end up looking at life only through one predominant lens.<\/span><\/p>\n

If All You Have Is Nouthetic Confrontation of Sin\u2026<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

In a similar way, we might say, \u201cIf all you have is nouthetic confrontation, then every counselee looks like a sinner.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Take the husband we mentioned a moment ago. While we can\u2019t counsel his wife since she\u2019s not in the room, what we often do then is seek to expose the speck or log in his eye.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhile your wife may be sinning against you, she\u2019s not here, so we can\u2019t look at the log or speck in her eye. But you are here. So let\u2019s look at any ways you may be sinning against her\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

That can sound like the wise approach, but let\u2019s change the scenario to a wife with an abusive husband.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhile your husband may be abusing you, he\u2019s not here, so we can\u2019t look at the log of abuse in his life. But you are here. So let\u2019s look at any possible specks in your eye\u2014any ways you may be sinning against him, maybe even provoking him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hopefully, we see the absurdity of that approach.<\/span><\/p>\n

The \u201clog and speck\u201d is not the only verse in the Bible. Remember, \u201cIf all you have is a hammer\u2026\u201d And remember, \u201cIf all you have is a log and speck verse\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In abusive relationships, wisdom requires that we apply the right biblical principles to the current situation.<\/span><\/p>\n