Author: Tim Lane

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Posted by | Aug 24, 2018 | , |

image by travis bradberry

Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.        Aristotle, The Nichomachean EthicsIn our first two blogs, we defined emotions and we looked at a basic understanding of how the brain works. Now we want to define Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and why it is so important. As you can see by the illustration on the left, EQ is different than IQ and Personality. There is overlap, but they are also distinct.So where did the idea of EQ come from? To answer that question, you have to go back to 1995 and read a book by Daniel Goleman called, Emotional Intelligence: Why it  Can Matter More Than IQ. There is a 10th anniversary version that was published in 2005. In the introduction, Dan Goleman says this:In 1990, in my role as a science reporter at The New York Times, I chanced upon an article in a small academic journal by two psychologists, John Mayer, now at the University of New Hampshire, and Yale’s Peter Salovey. Mayer and Salovey offered the first formulation of a concept they called “emotional intelligence.”…I was electrified by the notion, which I made the title of this book in 1995. Like Mayer and Salovey, I used the phrase to synthesize a broad range of scientific findings, drawing together what had been separate strands of research–reviewing not only their theory but a wide variety of other exciting scientific developments, such as the first fruits of the nascent field of affective neuroscience, which explores how emotions are regulated in the brain.Dan Goleman goes on to say how, in 1995, he wanted the concept of EQ to become a common idea in the culture. The proof is that he was wildly successful. The term is ubiquitous. But what does it mean?

Image by travis bradberry

In the previous post, we talked about how the “rational brain” and “emotional brain” must work together. For that to happen, we have to find ways to slow down to avoid the emotional brain from hijacking the rational brain. That is a skill that can be developed. To the right is a chart that describes the skills that are necessary for one to grow in EQ.As you can see, these skills involve being self-aware of one’s perceptions of one’s self as well as others. The particular skill that is needed is focusing on emotions and managing them well. This is what the Bible calls wisdom. If you take a moment to scan through the book of Proverbs, it is littered with sayings that are in the same direction of EQ. Here is just one:In Proverbs 26:4-5, the writer says this, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.” As you can see, the decision about which action you chose requires a high degree of self-awareness and other awareness. This requires incredible discipline and self-control. It also requires a high degree of awareness of one’s own emotions and the emotions of the other person. These skills or character traits come more naturally to some than others. The research is emphatic that everyone can grow in EQ, though.While the language of EQ and the research is new, the concept is not. The Scriptures regularly call the believer to greater self-awareness. We are called to live a life of humility where we don’t think too highly of ourselves but only in the measure of gifts that we have been given (Romans 12:3). This admonition is given within the context of understanding our place within the larger body of Christ. This requires other-awareness.What is reassuring in the pages of Scripture is the message that we have someone greater outside of us who can form these character qualities and skills within us by his grace and kindness. In fact, it is an experience of that very kindness and grace that enables us to move in the direction of humility while being a conduit of the kindness and grace we have been given.In our next blog, we will be looking at the specific skills and character qualities EQ is seeking to foster in each of us.Copyright © 2018 Timothy S. Lane

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Emotional Intelligence and the Brain

Emotional Intelligence and the Brain

Posted by | Jul 23, 2018 | , |

In the previous post, we saw how important it is to answer the question, “What are emotions?” before we could answer the question, “What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?” The next thing we need is a brief overview of how the brain works. Using the triune brain theory helps to simplify something that could get very complex! This perspective is just one of many since the brain involves much more complexity than we will be discussing here.As you can see in the photo, three layers control different aspects of human functioning. The two regions we are most interested in when it comes to EQ are the limbic region (where our emotions live) and the neocortex region (where our high-order thinking operates). The goal in EQ is to have these two regions work in tandem with one another. The challenge is that the limbic region can easily hi-jack the neocortex region because it is processing data before if reaches the neocortex. In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Dan Goleman puts it this way:These two minds, the emotional and the rational, operate in tight harmony for the most part, intertwining their very different ways of knowing to guide us through the world. Ordinarily there is a balance between emotional and rational minds, with emotion feeding into and informing the operations of the rational mind, and the rational mind refining and sometimes vetoing the inputs of the emotions. Still, the emotional and rational minds are semi-independent faculties, each reflecting the operation of distinct, but interconnected, circuitry in the brain (p.9)The skills that are taught in EQ are precisely aimed at helping us to slow down, so that we don’t experience an “emotional hijacking.” I am reminded of James’ simple exhortation in James 1:19:”My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”Notice how James has to get our attention by first saying, “take note of this.” It is as if he knows that we need a lot of help slowing down, so he asks us to slow down before he tells us to slow down! Jesus does something similar when he utters one simple word: “Behold!” You see it over and over again in Jesus’ teachings. It is another way of getting our attention before he gets our attention.It appears that long before the advent of modern research and neuroscience, keen observers of human behavior saw this tendency. Unfortunately, some concluded that emotions were less than human and tended to view them as inferior to thought. God is the creator of our physical bodies, and he created us with emotions. They are intrinsically good. It is what we do with them that matters. They are to be managed, but emotions can play a significant role in wise decision-making.Goleman addresses this:While the world often confronts us with an unwieldy array of choices (How should you invest your retirement savings? Whom should you marry?), the emotional learning that life has given us (such as the memory of a disastrous investment or a painful breakup) sends signals that streamline the decision by eliminating some options and highlighting others at the outset. In this way, Dr. Damasio argues, the emotional brain is as involved in reasoning as is the thinking brain…..The emotions, then, matter for rationality.In essence, what Goleman is stating is that IQ and EQ, when working together create the best decision. In light of this, it is important that we do not fall into the trap of minimizing emotions or even viewing them in a negative light. When we do that, we will not grow in wisdom.When the Apostle Paul calls us to be “transformed by the renewing of our mind,” he has in view the whole person. The word that is used for “mind” is not just speaking about one’s cognition but one’s affections. In order to be transformed, we need the Holy Spirit to aid us in linking the thinking and feeling brains together.In our next post, we will begin to more clearly define EQ.Copyright © 2018 Timothy S. Lane

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Finding Grace in Loss and Transition

Finding Grace in Loss and Transition

Posted by | Jul 3, 2018 | , |

Recently, I had the great opportunity to share time with Corey Pelton of FishFoodMedia to discuss grief and how God has helped me in seasons of transition and loss of loved ones. In 2 Corinthians, Paul speaks of the comfort he received from Christ as though it belonged not just to him but others. This is the economy of God in seasons of trial. His desire is for you to find deep comfort in the grace and mercy of Jesus. As that grace and mercy is experienced, it then becomes a gift that we can offer to others.Thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, that he is our Father and the source of all mercy and comfort. For he gives us comfort in our trials so that we in turn may be able to give the same sort of strong sympathy to others in theirs. Indeed, experience shows that the more we share Christ’s suffering the more we are able to give of his encouragement. This means that if we experience trouble we can pass on to you comfort and spiritual help; for if we ourselves have been comforted we know how to encourage you to endure patiently the same sort of troubles that we have ourselves endured. We are quite confident that if you have to suffer troubles as we have done, then, like us, you will find the comfort and encouragement of God.2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (J. B. Phillips)Listen to the episode here:Fish Food on iTunesFish Food on podbean

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What Are Emotions?

What Are Emotions?

Posted by | Jun 22, 2018 | , |

Recently, I was asked by several organizations and churches to do some work with their staff on the topic of EQ or Emotional Intelligence. Not only was I impressed that these organizations were requesting this kind of training, I was also excited about the opportunity to do some research and develop 4-5 sessions on the topic.What started as a deep dive into EQ sent me to a much more basic question; “What are Emotions?” This is not an easy question to answer but it is essential if you are going to grow in EQ; which everyone can.In his groundbreaking book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ (1995), Daniel Goleman defines emotions this way:All emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us. The very root of the word emotion is motere, the Latin verb “to move,” plus the prefix “e-” to connote “move away,” suggesting that a tendency to act is implicit in every emotion (p.6)A word about what I refer to under the rubric emotion, a term whose precise meaning psychologists and philosophers have quibbled over for more than a century. In its most literal sense, The Oxford English Dictionary defines emotion as “any agitation or disturbance of mind, feeling, passion: any vehement or excited mental state.” I take emotion to refer to a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states, and range of propensities to act. There are hundreds of emotions, along with their blends, variations, mutations, and nuances. Indeed, there are many more subtleties of emotion than we have words for (p.289).In other words, emotions are what propel us into action. They are a vital part of what it means to be human. Without emotion, we would cease to act. While Goleman says that the nuances of emotions are endless, there are a variety of “families” of emotions that we are able to identify. Here are 10:1. Anger: fury, outrage, resentment, wrath, exasperation, indignation, vexation, acrimony, animosity, annoyance, irritability, hostility, and, perhaps at the extreme, pathological hatred and violence.2. Sadness: grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy, self-pity, loneliness, dejection, despair, and, when pathological, severe depression.3. Fear: anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, concern, consternation, misgiving, wariness, qualm, edginess, dread, fright, terror (phobia and panic).4. Enjoyment: happiness, joy, relief, contentment, bliss, delight, amusement, pride, sensual pleasure, thrill, rapture, gratification, satisfaction, euphoria, whimsy, ecstasy (mania).5. Love: acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration, infatuation, agape.6. Surprise: shock, astonishment, amazement, wonder.7. Disgust: contempt, disdain, scorn, abhorrence, aversion, distaste, revulsion.8. Shame: guilt, embarrassment, chagrin, remorse, humiliation, regret, mortification, and contrition.9. Inadequacy: helpless, inferior, powerless, incompetent, useless, inept, mediocre.10. Confusion: distracted, rattled, baffled, bewildered, mystified, flustered, perplexed, jarred, puzzled, jolted.According to research, in order to grow in EQ, you have to be able to identify and name emotions when you experience them. As you do this, you are more able to empathize with the emotions of others.Scripture is a book that is very much at home with emotions. The Psalms are the most obvious place to look for them. You will see most if not all of the 10 listed above. All of them can be expressed in helpful and wise ways or unhelpful and unwise ways. They can be expressed in such a way that builds others up or tears someone down. The challenge is managing them wisely. That is a key aspect of EQ.How are you doing with identifying emotions in your life? Perhaps you could be more mindful of them as you go throughout your day. As you do, take moments to record your emotions and identify them as carefully as possible. This is a very important aspect of growing in wisdom and grace.Copyright © 2018 Timothy S. Lane

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Does your marriage need a tune-up?

Does your marriage need a tune-up?

Posted by | May 9, 2018 | , |

I think we could all could use some help and encouragement. That is why I am considering hosting a marriage retreat in Peachtree City, Georgia. Over the past 4 years, as I have conducted marriage seminars, couples have asked if I would consider doing something near Atlanta, Georgia.Peachtree City (visitpeachtreecity.com) is a beautiful suburb just south of the Atlanta airport. The setting would be in a comfortable hotel with a limited group of married couples. The weekend would be informal with some teaching and practical exercises, as well as some time to yourself to reflect and relax. Some topics to be covered are:strengthening your friendshipmanaging your conflict, especially the issues that keep coming upgrowing in intimacyIf this interests you, please fill out this form and we will keep you updated:

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