Category: Tim Lane

Now Available: Newly Revised Book on Anxiety

Now Available: Newly Revised Book on Anxiety

by | Jul 5, 2022 | , | 0 |

Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace

By Timothy Lane

In my last blog, I mentioned a few changes that I made in the newly revised version of my book on worry. Feel free to read about the first change here.The other changes you’ll find in the newly revised version involve how our brain and autonomic nervous system functions when we are struggling with anxiety. Since we are both body and soul, understanding how the body works can be helpful for all of us who struggle with anxiety.Here is another brief excerpt from the book about anxiety and the autonomic nervous system followed by some helpful tools to navigate anxiety and better regulate the nervous system:The Anatomy of WorryYou may remember learning about the autonomic nervous system at some point in school. Our nervous system is hard-wired to keep us alive. It is all about survival. That is a good thing. But when our nervous system is fighting to keep us alive and there is not apparent danger, that is a nervous system that is working overtime. That is the nature of anxiety. A good thing has been hijacked and now is creating all of the physiological sensations associated with “fight or flight” when there is no real need to be living in that state.Primary State: Lethargy Hypo FreezeArousal: Too Low Low Moderate High Extreme Overload OverwhelmedIn the continuum above, the goal is to live “normal life” in the Calm and Active/Alert Zone. When we move into “fight or flight” or “hyper freeze” and there is no real danger, that is the zone where anxiety exists and can cripple us.This explains why our body acts the way it does. We are geared for protection and facing danger so our hearts beat faster, adrenaline and cortisol a released into our bodies. Our organs prepare themselves to do what they should do when our safety is threatened.The problem we face is when we are in this state for prolonged periods of time when we don’t “need” to be. This takes a toll on our bodies over time and can shorten your life by many years. What drives the autonomic nervous system is the brain. It is important to know how the brain functions when it comes to anxiety if you are going to understand how God’s grace can help you grow in this area.So, how can you regulate your autonomic nervous system to move back into “Calm/Active/Alert”? There are many basic life skills that prove helpful, such as:Diaphragmatic Breathing—“4-4-6”: In this exercise, you breathe in your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, and then exhale for 6 seconds. This exercise allows your heart rate to reset and engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which brings you back into a state of calm. Grounding Exercise 1—“5-4-3-2-1”: In this exercise, you engage your senses to bring you back into the present rather than focusing on the unpredictable future. What are 5 things you can see? What are 4 things you can feel? What are 3 things you can hear? What are 2 things you can smell? What is 1 thing you can taste?Grounding Exercise 2—“5-4-3-2-1”: I have a counselor friend, Eliza Huie, who has changed this life skill to include meditating on God. What are 5 things God created that bring you joy? What are 4 things that God provides that give you peace? What are 3 promises of God that give you hope? Who are 2 people that God uses to uplift and encourage you? What is 1 name of God that calms your soul?Simple Pleasures: Sometimes I will have clients list 25 things they enjoy that are healthy habits or simple pleasures that are refreshing to them. Then I ask them how many of them and how much of these simple pleasures are present in their lives. Examples would be going for a walk, listening to music, getting restful sleep, reading a book, etc. The list can be quite long once you start. One time, I had someone list 50 things and report that they were doing none of them! Simple pleasures are like manna in Scripture. They are daily signs of God’s goodness and care for you.Bibliotherapy: In her book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Deb Dana has done some very helpful and practical work on how to regulate the nervous system. There are 4 parts to the book: 1. Befriending the Nervous System 2. Mapping the Nervous System 3. Navigating the Nervous System 4. Shaping the Nervous System. The book is very accessible, and I would highly recommend it to counselors, but also anyone who struggles with anxiety.Locating Safe Community: There is nothing like having safe people in your life. We humans are “pack animals.” We survive together. God has wired us for community, and it is paramount to find a safe community where we can be seen, shown empathy and encouraged to grow in the grace and wisdom of Christ. This is the intended role of the body of Christ.In my book, Living Without Worry: How To Replace Anxiety with Peace, I seek to show you that the God in Scripture is the safest person in the universe for the anxious. If there is any struggle that the Bible speaks to most, it is worry. The most repeated phrase in Scripture is, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for my Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32). I hope that these resources, along with my book, will provide helpful comfort and direction as you navigate your anxiety!

Read More
Newly Revised Book on Anxiety Now Available

Newly Revised Book on Anxiety Now Available

by | Feb 22, 2022 | , | 0 |

Living Without Worry: How to replace anxiety with peace

By Lane, Timothy

Beginning in March, my newly revised book on worry and anxiety will be available.Over a year ago, the first printing was ending and The Good Book Company was planning on changing the cover of the book. At that time, I asked if I could make some edits and add some content to the book. That idea was welcomed so I made changes and updated the book based upon more years of counseling those with anxiety.The two major changes I made are reflected in the first part of the book. The first addition includes a clear statement about the tone of Jesus’ command for us not to worry. The second change has to do with how the brain works in anxiety. Below is an excerpt from the new revised version of Living Without Worry: How to Replace Anxiety with Peace.Jesus talks about worry. And before we look at what he said, it is important to understand the tone he uses as he speaks to you during your worries. So before we begin, I’d love for you to read Luke 12 v 32 out loud:Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.This verse comes towards the end of Jesus’ most extended teaching on worry. Now read it again:Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.To understand the tone that Jesus uses here, let me take you back to when I was a parent with young children. It was not uncommon for one of our children (we raised four!) to awaken in the middle of the night having had a bad dream. They would come stumbling into our bedroom at 2 or 3 a.m., deeply afraid and sometimes crying. If you are a parent, I guess you can recall moments like these.Now, how do you think my wife and I responded in these moments? We did not say in a stern rebuking way, “Don’t be afraid; go back to bed!” That would be a command but with little compassion! No! We would say something like this in a soft and soothing voice: “What’s wrong? Are you having a bad dream? Are you afraid? Oh, I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid. Mommy and Daddy are here. It’s going to be ok. Don’t worry. Come up here and let me hold you.”The difference between the first response and the second is not just in content but primarily in tone. And the second response is how Jesus speaks to us when we are afraid or filled with anxiety. It, too, contains commands, but it is laden with tenderness and compassion.As you read the chapters of this book, keep this in front of you the entire way. Jesus is calling you out of your anxiety because he knows it is not helpful. He encourages you in your struggle to find safety. He creates the very safety you are so desperately seeking, and shows you how to turn to him in child-like trust. That is the goal of this book. Read it with these tender words in mind, even when the truths may be hard to hear. Why not say them one more time?Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.If you found this short excerpt helpful, let me know in the comments section of the website or in Facebook or Twitter. Do not be afraid, little flock….

Pre-Order your newly revised copy of “Living Without Worry”

Read More
2021 Year End Review

2021 Year End Review

by | Dec 22, 2021 | , | 0 |

A Year of Unprecedented Growth

In 2021, the focus has been on the pandemic and the threat that it poses to our physical health. Yet, the threat to our mental health has largely been overlooked. In 2021, the number of counseling sessions has increased by approximately 35% (close to 1000 sessions, some multiple hours)! That has posed a challenge for my own mental health. I am wired to “get things done” but even this caseload has challenged my bandwith to respond to the requests for counseling. From marriages traumatized by infidelity, individuals experiencing debilitating anxiety and depression, to profound loneliness, people are hurting. I am thankful for the addition of Dale Zarlenga as he has absorbed some of the increase in counseling cases.A Year of Minimal Travel but Not ImpactAlthough travel has been picking back up, most of the speaking events this year have shifted to Zoom. This year, I did several marriage webinars with churches in Toronto and New York. I also pre-recorded a series of talks for a group in Australia around my newest book, Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change that Lasts.New Online CoursesIn 2021, I partnered with Trinity Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, AL and East Cobb Presbyterian Church in Atlanta to do several training events that were recorded in video and are now available for purchase to use individually, as well as with small groups and leaders in churches. New courses are listed below:Cultivating a Culture of Grace and Growth in the Local Church—this course maps out a vision for local church care and provides suggestions for structure and process.Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts—this course gives leaders a simple but rich way of thinking about people and their problems that allows for complexity.Relationships: A Mess Worth Making—this course provides guidance to think about the nature and purpose of relationships within the body of Christ.I hope to add another training video that will help small group leaders and pastors develop a practical methodology to help them care for their sheep in wise and Christ-centered ways.New Writing ProjectsOver the next year, I hope to pursue another writing project that has been in the works for over 5 years. The research and work I have been doing revolves around what makes marriages thrive. I am thankful for all the couples I have had the honor to counsel, as well as the research I have managed to do in the midst of a full counseling caseload. I am outlining the major sections of the book, now.How You Can HelpWhile the added revenue from counseling has made a significant positive impact on the bottom line, there are always situations where it is wise and gracious to offer help to those who can not afford our services. Given that ever present need, I would like to ask you to become a donor. You can give a one time gift or become a monthly investor. Thank you for your ongoing prayers and investment this ministry!Please Consider Helping Those In Need of Wise, Christ-centered Care.

Donate Now!

Read More
Do You Know the Stages of Temptation?

Do You Know the Stages of Temptation?

by | Aug 31, 2021 | , | 0 |

No one wakes up one morning and decides to become addicted to a substance or behavior. No one decides in the moment to be unfaithful to their spouse. While we do make decisions in the moment, these decisions are connected to a much more complex web of influences, vulnerabilities, desires, and pain over days, weeks, months, and even years. Let no one dupe you into thinking that temptation and giving into temptation is a simple human experience or an easy one to identify, understand, fight, and change.If James 1:1—18 gives us a broad framework for understanding temptation, James 1:13—18 maps out the illusive stages and progression of temptation in a way that can be useful for us as we seek to fight temptation. If you are looking in the Bible for the language of “addiction” or “use-disorder”, this is where you will find it:13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.Let’s focus on verses 13-15 first. Notice the progression of the stages and the analogy that James uses. It is the analogy of conception, gestation, birth growth. Remember, a baby isn’t conceived, born, and is full grown in a moment. Rather, the process of birth takes almost 1 year! And remember that the consequences often don’t show up until much later than that. Keep that in mind when you think about temptation. Let’s look at the stages that James highlights:Stage One: Blaming God/Avoiding Responsibility—v. 13 “God is tempting me”Stage Two: Seduction—vv.1 4-15 “dragged away, evil desires, enticed”Stage Three: Conception—v. 15 “after desire has conceived”Stage Four: Birth—v. 15 “gives birth to sin”Stage Five: Death—v. 15 “when it is full grown, gives birth to death”The process that James describes allows for a long time for temptation to develop. Consider any area of your life where you struggle with temptation and disobedience. You can find that the struggle has deep and long tentacles in your past. If you struggle with anger, you will be able to see this vulnerability in your hard-wiring, family of origin, significant events/relationships, and current stressors. When you see this, you are able to recognize when you are triggered. And when you are triggered, that micro-moment is connected to a long history that swells into the present in such a way that you feel you have no control over the instantaneous instinct to react. The sudden urge to give into temptation started long ago!If that makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t stop reading. It is in moment’s like these that we need God’s rescuing, empowering, enabling grace. And this is precisely where James takes us in verses 16-18.16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.I have taught through James numerous times. On my first and second pass through this chapter, I felt like these verses must have been inserted later by some incompetent editor. Or worse, that James must have been distracted as he penned this letter! But upon further reflection, he know exactly what he was doing. He ends this section by reminding us of Jesus. Jesus is the good gift from above that the Father has sent, in whom we find new birth. This new birth leads to a new power within for the present and a promised hope for ultimate victory one day!Are you fighting a battle in your life. Knowing the stages can be very helpful as you understand your story and your unique areas of vulnerability. Knowing that God has lavished his grace upon you is essential, too.

Read More
Fighting Temptation

Fighting Temptation

by | Jul 20, 2021 | , | 0 |

Anglican Bishop J. C. Ryle (1816-1900), once said that there are at least two marks that indicate that someone has become a Christian: 1. There is a new peace!2. There is a new fight!He couldn’t have spoken more accurately. There is a new peace because you have been reconciled in your relationship with God through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. You experience forgiveness of sins, reconciliation with God and a conscience that has been cleansed from guilt and shame.There is new fight because the Holy Spirit is now at work in you, providing enabling power to fight the remnants of remaining sin. That’s a strange combination but one that Scripture wholeheartedly proclaims.As for point 2, what does it look like to fight temptation?1. Know what Temptation Is: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance…..12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.James 1 is a very helpful chapter when defining temptation. In James 1, the same Greek word for temptation is used in verses 2, 3 and 12, the word means external pressures. In verses 13 and 14, the word means an internal battle. Those are very different meanings. According to James, God sends external trials or tests for the purpose of deepening our trust in him (vv. 2, 3, 12). He never sets traps (vv. 13-14) to cause us to fall into sin and disobedience. So, a temptation is an internal war within each believer between remaining sin and the new power of the Holy Spirit.2. Know the Context of Temptation:9 Believers in humble circumstances (poverty) ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.James 1:9-11 speak of the rich and poor. What is the point? Both riches and poverty are equally trials! In other words, a life of adversity has its challenges as does a life of prosperity. We can be easily duped into thinking that all is well in a season of blessing and that all is not well in a season of adversity. Nothing could be further from the truth. When life is moving along without any trouble, it is tempting to think that you don’t really need God’s grace. That is a very serious place to be.3. Know the Stages of Temptation:13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15 spell out the slippery slope of temptation. It begins with a simple desire, but that desire quickly morphs into a demand. Why? Because of the condition of the heart of the person. It is due to a desire to worship anything but the true and living God. This slippery slope leads to death not life.4. Know the Way Out of Temptation:16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created. James 1:16-18 seem out of place after a long section on external trials and internal battles. But it is precisely what we need. For James, the way out of temptation is through a new power and dynamic of worship. Seeing the Father as the giver of all good gifts. Especially the One perfect gift that brings new birth. That One gift is Jesus, who comes to free us from the bandage of guilt and shame.

Read More
Anxiety and Micro-Threats

Anxiety and Micro-Threats

by | Apr 28, 2021 | , | 0 |

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3Over the past year, I have counseled many people who are anxious. What has been interesting is the common experience that most share. They can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for their anxiety. “I’ve never really struggled with anxiety before or to this level…I can’t seem to understand why now!”At first glance, James 1:2-3 may not seem like a very helpful, compassionate, or encouraging few verses. But take note of two things:1. James was the lead pastor of the church in Jerusalem. The occasion for him writing this pastoral letter was to encourage his congregants who were suffering persecution. He is not writing as an “arm-chair” theologian but a pastor who has a deep love for his flock.2. Notice the phrase trials of many kinds. Now keep those two points in mind as we continue to think about anxiety and “micro-threats.”In light of James 1:2-3, when I hear someone tell me that they are struggling with anxiety but they don’t know why, I begin to ask them to use another word; stress. Tell me what stressors are in your life right now and over the past few months or years. That’s when things become clearer for them. The list gets longer and longer. They start by quickly acknowledging the pandemic but move past it by saying, “But isn’t everyone a bit anxious about the pandemic?” As if that should make their anxiety less of an issue. Then they proceed to talk about numerable “minor” things that have been in their lives recentlyConflict with a family member or spouseIssues with working from homeFinancial uncertaintyHealth problemsHome repairs and car problemsLack of SleepLimited Social InteractionRacial and Political TensionLoss of a loved one/s over the past few yearsHeartbreak over an adult child’s life decisionsGuilt and shame from self-medicating to assuage the painETC!As you can see, all of these “micro-threats” or trials of many kinds start to add up. Once a person starts to see their list, they begin to feel normal. That’s right! Normal. Inevitably, seeing the aggregate of issues allows them to see that they have a lot going on in their lives and their tension, stress and anxiety is a normal response to not feeling safe.Maybe you have been facing trials of MANY kinds and have wondered why you are stressed and feeling anxious. Just because you can’t point to one specific reason or circumstance doesn’t mean that your anxiety is irrational. It could very well be that you are very much in your right mind. Life has been hard and you can see the multiple pressure points in a way that allows you to approach God without guilt or shame but in true dependence. Why don’t you pair James 1:2-3 with Matthew 11:28-30. Listen to Jesus’ empathetic invitation to you in these comforting verses.Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.Matthew 11:28-30If you are feeling overwhelmed today, there may be many good reasons for that. And because Jesus understands your plight, he welcomes you to draw near to him and find comfort in his compassion and grace. Go to him now with all of your micro-threats. You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

Read More
2020 Meets Isaiah 9: “Nevertheless!”

2020 Meets Isaiah 9: “Nevertheless!”

by | Dec 27, 2020 | , | 0 |

I am not the first, nor will I be the last to say it: 2020 has been a devastating year for the entire world. COVID19, overcrowded hospitals, record numbers of deaths, racial unrest, political turmoil, lockdowns, spikes in mental health difficulties, increases in domestic violence and child abuse, and financial hardships due to high unemployment. Has there ever been a year like 2020? The answer is, “Yes!” And some have been even darker.Isaiah 9Dark times can produce dark thoughts, emotions and reactions. But the contrary is true as well.The prophet, Isaiah, was called the prophet of redemption. This is somewhat ironic since he prophesied at a time of great darkness. Isaiah was one of the greatest prophets and lived during the 8th century B.C. In the early part of the 8th century both Israel, under King Jeroboam II and Judah, under King Uzziah enjoyed a season of prosperity and peace (sound familiar?). But this was not to last long. Soon, the kingdom of Assyria (722) would rule over the northern portion, Israel. Then the kingdom of Babylon (586) would hold captive the southern portion, Judah. These were some of the darkest days for the OT people of God. It was also a time of great activity of God speaking to His people through the prophets. Isaiah lived in Jerusalem and was most involved with the trials of the southern territory of Judah. How could it be that he was considered the prophet of redemption given the times in which he prophesied?During these dark centuries, while there was external oppression from neighboring kingdoms, the greatest threat for Israel and Judah came from within. The people of God in both Israel and Judah were guilty of worshipping the gods of their invaders. There was great disobedience, and a lack of justice and righteousness where the weak were not protected. You can read about all of this in Isaiah 1-8. Dark days, indeed!This is where Isaiah 9 begins. The people are in a very hopeless season, yet Isaiah speaks confidently of a new day that will emerge. He speaks with confidence because of God’s promises of old that have come to pass. In these short 7 verses, he speaks of the future Messiah who will come and bring everlasting peace and justice. The word “Nevertheless” is prescient.1 Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress. In the past he humbled the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, but in the future he will honor Galilee of the nations, by the Way of the Sea, beyond the Jordan—The northern kingdom, Israel, was the first to experience occupation and domination, yet Isaiah says that this region will be the place where new blessings will begin. About 700 years later, It is from Galilee that Jesus begins his ministry announcing the arrival of the kingdom of God.In God’s economy, he always meets us in those places of gloom and distress. It is in these moments of humbling that his promises of grace and mercy are most needed and most provided. Continue reading Isaiah 9:2-7. These are familiar verses to some, but the dark context of chapters 1-8 make them even more significant. Notice how Isaiah’s future hope is often spoken about in the past tense as if it has already happened!2 The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. 3 You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder. 4 For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. 5 Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. 6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.As you sit and read these verses, you can see that this has already taken place in the first coming of Jesus. We look back and see what Isaiah said would come to pass! What a picture of shalom (peace/wholeness)! The New Testament says that Jesus is coming a second time to finish what he started in his first coming. He isn’t finished yet.As you move into 2021, do you have the same confidence in Jesus’ second coming as Isaiah did of Jesus’ first coming? And how will that impact the way you live in the present? It has been a hard year. There have been harder and darker years before 2020. There will likely be hard and dark years to come. Racial tensions remain and, unfortunately, just as we think we are beating this virus, other calamities will arise. We are living in the desert, still longing for the promised land. But NEVERTHELESS, it will…..no, IT HAS come to pass. For a glimpse, look no further than Revelation 21.Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth” (Revelation 21:1).

For Isaiah, history was headed to the first coming of the Messiah. For us, history is headed to the second coming of the Messiah. This is the only reason why we can have any semblance of hope and joy in the here and now. Christmas is a time to look back but it also provides the needed lenses through which to see and respond to whatever you face in 2021 and beyond.Copyright © 2020 Dr. Timothy S. Lane

DONATE

Read More
2020 “A Year of Amazing Ministry Opportunities!”

2020 “A Year of Amazing Ministry Opportunities!”

by | Dec 7, 2020 | , | 0 |

Thank you for your continued interest in the Institute for Pastoral Care. Here is an update about what our ministry has been doing over the past 12 months.New Addition Added to the Institute Team!In 2020, Rev. Dale Zarlenga joined our staff. Dale brings a decade of experience in pastoral care and worship. He is currently pursuing a degree in counseling through Regent University in VA while he consults and counsels new clients.New Workbook for “Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that Lasts”This year, in conjunction with my publisher, The Good Book Company, we were able to provide a free study guide for my latest book. Find out how you can get your own free copy below. I have heard encouraging reports of those using the guide in one on one sessions, as well as small group contexts.Travel and Teaching OpportunitiesIn March, as I was returning from Edinburgh, Scotland, the pandemic began to hit Europe and the USA. I made it back just before everything shut down. Obviously, my travel was curtailed significantly. I taught on-site at a Lutheran Bible College and Seminary just outside of Minneapolis in August, but that is all. I am currently doing a webinar every other week with a church in Toronto, teaching on marriage. Hopefully, travel and speaking will return in 2021.Two More Seminars Available OnlineAs I write this, we are editing a 4-hour video seminar that was filmed in a church in Montgomery, AL, on “Cultivating Pastoral Care in the Local Church.” I also completed an 8-hour video series on marriage and the research of John and Julie Gottman. These are the newest additions to a growing list of seminars that are available on my online teaching platform. There are currently 16 audio or video seminars with PDF PowerPoint downloads. You can find them here.Counseling and ConsultationsAs was the case in 2019, counseling and consulting hours have increased over 30%! We continue to work with leaders, individuals and couples both nationally and internationally. To date, we have provided close to 600 sessions and 800 hours of care.Thank You for Your Prayer and SupportI am grateful to have people who are praying for the work of the Institute, as well as those who invest in what we do. Would you consider becoming a monthly donor? You can sign up to do that here. You can make a one time tax deductible donation or set up a recurring donation. Thank you for your consideration and prayers.With deep gratitude to God,Dr. Tim S. LanePresident, Institute for Pastoral Care

Read More
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change

Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change

by | Feb 18, 2020 | , | 0 |

In 2019, I was invited to do some teaching on addiction in the United Kingdom. To be most helpful in addressing this topic in that context, I knew I needed to be more aware of the differences between the US and UK when it comes to counselling (notice I spelled it correctly!).In the US, our understanding of therapy has been shaped largely by Sigmund Freud. That is why those of us in the US tend to focus on “talk therapy.” The UK was shaped by empirical science and medicine. As a result, there is some skepticism for “talk therapy” or counselling in the UK. Instead, they send people to a “clinician.” Often, that means a doctor who can prescribe medication. While that may be an oversimplification and while that is changing, it does represent a significant difference. Because of this, I thought it wise for me to strengthen my understanding of the physiological nature of addiction.I started doing some research on the topic of addiction with an emphasis on the brain and body. What is the nature of addiction from a physiological point of view? That is where the following book, Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, was so helpful.If you have little or no training in human physiology you will be greatly helped and encouraged with what you find in the first section of the book. If you are a pastor, youth group leader or family member of someone who struggles with addiction, you would benefit greatly from this book. There are 4 major sections in the book that are directed to the loved one who is living with someone who struggles with addiction.I. What To KnowII. How To CopeIII. How To HelpIV. Live Your LifeHere is some helpful portions taken from Part I: What To KnowI. What to Know: This section of the book provides one of the most helpful and accessible understanding of the nature of addiction and how it impacts the brain. This section is tremendously helpful because it explains the grip a substance or behavior can have on a person when the Nucleus accumbens (the reward center of the brain) gets high-jacked by an over influx of dopamine. Here is how the book describes what is happening in the addiction cycle:1. What Is Addiction

Dopamine balance in the brain is not the only thing that gets disrupted by repeated use of a substance. It also affects key structures in the brain, such as the prefrontal cortex and limbic system. The prefrontal cortex is where we assess risks, weigh consequences, and make plans–in other words, make considered decisions. It manages input from the other parts of the brain like the limbic system and bodily regions and has been dubbed the braking system of the brain because it makes possible the judgments and decisions that go along with saying no to an impulse. When flooded with a substance, this part of the brain basically shuts down. (Teenagers have a distinct disadvantage here, as their young cerebral cortexes aren’t even fully developed.) The limbic system, in contrast, is where our sense of drive and urgency come from, generated through emotion, motivation, and in some ways the formation of memories. In the context of substance use or compulsive behaviors, this part of the brain gets excited into overdrive. So a brain that finds its limbic system acutely activated and anticipating the reward of using, and its judgment and decision-making pre-frontal cortex more or less disabled, is a brain that’s likely to go forward with the impulse and desire to use—no stop and all go. A brain in this state will register the smell of marijuana being smoked, the desire to smoke it, and anticipate the feeling that comes along with smoking, while the reasons not to smoke disappear.The Notion of Permanent Brain DamageWe now know that our brains are constantly evolving, even as adults. According to the old model of brain function, there were our formative years in early childhood and adolescence, after which, sometime in our twenties, we coasted and declined. Now we know that our brains continue to hone old pathways and activity and forge new ones long into adulthood. This is good news for everybody—old dogs not only can learn new tricks, they should, if they want to optimize their brain functioning—and it is especially good news for people affected by substance problems.The Brain and a Broken LegThink of the brain like a broken leg. A bone breaks, and with help—a cast and crutches to prevent reinjury while the person returns to a normal routine, physical therapy to regain strength and flexibility, and family and friends to help and to keep up morale—the bone heals and the person can work, play, run, and jump again. The leg may be more vulnerable to breaking after all that, and the person will need to take care to protect it, but the person can adapt and, for the most part, the body heals. The brain is no exception. (p 31-32)As you can see, the book is always hopeful, even in the face of an often brutal struggle. The rest of Section 1 focuses on 2. Motivation: Why Do People Change, and 3. Change: How Do People Change.While addiction is a whole person struggle, knowing more about the brain/body component can be immensely helpful as you seek to help others. If you are a loved one who wants guidance with how to help someone who is struggling with addiction, or if you work with youth or are a pastor, I highly recommend this book.

Read More
2019 Year End Celebration!

2019 Year End Celebration!

by | Dec 2, 2019 | , | 0 |

As 2019 comes to a close, I want to say “Thank You” for your continued interest in the Institute for Pastoral Care. Here are some things that your investments help make possible.New Workbook for Unstuck: A Nine Step Journey to Change that LastsResponse to my latest book, Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts has been encouraging. The feedback led me to develop a companion workbook. It will give individuals and small groups the opportunity to work through each chapter of Unstuck as they focus on an area in their lives. This will be a free downloadable product from the web. When it is available, it will be announced in e-news. If you want to be the first to know, sign up for e-news here.Travel and Teaching OpportunitiesThese speaking events are always encouraging as I watch people find help in the moment. Here are just a few from 2019:Gainesville, Florida: MarriageLeyland, England: Addictions and AngerBirmingham, England: Addictions and AngerMontreal, Canada: MarriageSuffolk, VA: Redeeming SexualitySalem, WA: UnstuckEdinburgh City Mission, Scotland: March 2020 Seminars Available OnlineThis year, I was able to provide many of my seminars through an online teaching platform. There are currently 14 audio or video seminars with PDF PowerPoint downloads. You can find them here.Counseling and ConsultationsAs was the case in 2018, counseling and consulting hours have increased. I continue to work with leaders, individuals and couples both nationally and internationally.Thank You for Your Prayer and SupportI am grateful to have people who are praying for the work of the Institute, as well as those who invest in what we do. Would you consider becoming a monthly donor? You can do that online through the donation page. You can make a one time tax deductible donation or set up a recurring donation.Thank you for your consideration and prayers.Dr. Tim S. LanePresident, Institute for Pastoral Care
DONATE

Read More
Love Others for the Long Term

Love Others for the Long Term

by | Oct 21, 2019 | , | 0 |

Loving Others

Step 9Love Others for the Long TermSo far we’ve covered eight steps that help us to choose the “right fork” at our junction. And I hope that by now you’ve been encouraged by some victories in your battle, however small.  But… then what? In those moments when we do respond to circumstances in the right way, what happens next?In the previous blog, I explained a situation in which my daughter came home from school and interrupted my peaceful, quiet time alone with a disrespectful response to my greeting. Let me continue to tell you what transpired once I got to my daughter’s bedroom.Immediately after tapping on the door (instead of banging in anger), I was able to say in a calm voice, “How are you doing and would you like to talk?” An amazing change had transpired in me. My body language, tone of voice, emotions, choice of words, and how I knocked on the door had been radically altered. The drama of redemption had played out in my life and my daughter had no idea that she had been rescued from me because I had been rescued from myself… by God’s gracious help.Yet as soon as those calm words came out of my mouth, my daughter responded in a way that might surprise and frustrate you: “Go away! I don’t want to talk to anyone, not even you!”Wow! Now I was faced with a new situation. How would I respond to her response? Would I become self-righteous on the heels of my transformation? “How can she act that way toward me, especially after I was so godly?” It almost sounds funny, doesn’t it? Thankfully, I was able to respond in a quiet manner with these words: “That’s fine; if you want to talk, I’ll be downstairs. Dinner will be ready in an hour.”Sometimes we will choose the path of obedience and find that we still don’t get what we hope for. Our attempts at change will sometimes go unappreciated. Maybe your spouse doesn’t even notice the efforts you make at de-escalating a conflict. Or perhaps you’ve offered an apology to someone for your behavior in the past, but they’ve continued to spurn it.

And this isn’t just the case in our relationships with other people—sometimes we’ll end up frustrated at ourselves, too. We’ll find that our sin clings tight, and that our small victories are just one battle in a larger war. Maybe you’ve managed to go a whole week without pornography—but you find that the unwanted images continue to replay in your mind. Or if you struggle with anxiety, you might be encouraged by your response to one stressful situation, only to be thrown off course by the next. When that happens, we need to keep in mind the big picture. We need to play the long game. In one given moment, there’s usually only a small difference between the left and right paths. But if we keep choosing right, time after time, our lives will end up in a different place altogether than if we’d kept choosing the left path. It’s about long-term difference. Sometimes, we’ll still do the wrong thing—we’ll “go left.” But it’s the bigger picture that matters. And the more we go right, the easier it is to go right next time. The left path starts to look more “overgrown” as our habits change.Imagine if my daughter grew up in a family where, for 18 years, her father was always dropping the hammer. Imagine, though, if she grew up in a family where, for 18 years, her father was growing in grace and showing humility and patience, albeit imperfectly. These little moments may seem inconsequential, but not when you view them within the larger perspective of months and years. These two father/daughter relationships may not look that different early on, but they will look radically different over the course of many years. That is the larger perspective we need to have when we consider the process of growth in grace. Every little moment counts!This is a short excerpt from Chapter 9 of Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts.

Read More
Relate to God in Real Time

Relate to God in Real Time

by | Sep 17, 2019 | , | 0 |

Going Vertical: Talking to the Father

Union with Christ enables us to focus on the various ways that we are connected to Jesus (see previous blog). Now we need to bring these truths into the real life fight to grow in grace. So here is the challenge: how do we take the truth of our union with Christ and utilize it in such a way that we relate to God during our struggle and therefore actually change? That’s step 8.Step 8Your union with Christ should move you in two ways: a lifestyle of repentance (or “deconstruction”) and faith (or “reconstruction”). What does this look like? Gospel Deconstruction: RepentanceI’ll start by sharing an example from my own life—follow along as I highlight a few themes from the previous blogs.Look Around You (You, Baggage, Terrain, Weather)Late one afternoon, I was sitting in my house enjoying some peace and quiet. This always works better when no one else is around to interrupt you! At just the moment that I was contemplating how peaceful it was, the front door opened and then was quickly slammed. I immediately felt tense and a bit agitated. It was my teenage daughter coming home from school. I managed to welcome her home by saying, “Hey, how was your day?” I got a terse response: “Why would you care?” She proceeded to stomp up one flight of stairs, then stomp down the hallway and stomp up the second flight of stairs. Then I heard it again: she slammed her bedroom door! What was a peaceful, quiet afternoon in the house was shattered in about 15 seconds.Gauge Your ReactionsI could feel myself tense up immediately. There was that all-too familiar struggle with irritation and anger. It was a personal battle within that occasionally spilled over into my interpersonal relationships. It was as if I was standing at the junction: would I respond in the right way? Look Under the HoodWhy was I irritated? What was I not getting that I wanted? On the surface, there was nothing inherently sinful in my desires. But in that moment, they had become something that I was living for, or worshiping, more than Christ:Peace and Comfort: I had been working with people all day and all I wanted was some down time from the challenges of what other people wanted. Drinking a diet coke and catching up on the daily news on TV was bliss. As soon as my daughter entered the house, the atmosphere had been ruined. Peace and comfort, which can be very good things, had morphed into something I was living for.Appreciation and Respect: Who doesn’t want appreciation, especially from your own son or daughter? After all the sacrifices you make for them, the least they could do is show respect! In this instance I felt disrespected when my daughter did not respond positively to my greeting. Appreciation and respect, which can be very good things, had morphed into something I was living for.Gospel Reconstruction: Faith This is where the reconstruction began. It started with a desperate cry for help to God and continued into ongoing conversation with him. It just happened that I had been doing some sermon preparation earlier that morning on a passage in 1 Corinthians 1. (Of course, these things never “just happen!”) The one verse that stood out was 1 Corinthians 1 v 30.It is because of [God] that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is our righteousness, holiness and redemption.That verse captures a host of the blessings that we discussed in the previous blog. And as I studied it, it had begun to penetrate deep into my soul. It was beautiful in its simplicity. It captured so many of the blessings that were mine because I was in Christ. These truths enabled me to start talking to God and turn from gazing at daily pleasures like peace, comfort, appreciation and respect and start gazing at Christ. So as I rounded the corner at the top of the first flight of stairs and uttered my simple prayer—“Help me, God. Here I go again”—something astonishing happened. What followed was utterly miraculous, though no one would have been able to see the transformation that was going on in my soul at the moment. Here is how it unfolded:By God’s grace, I was beginning to see how I was living for peace, comfort and respect rather than for Christ. Seeing patterns and signature temptations is a work of the Spirit.I started to cry out to God for help. This simple pivot took me out of myself and directly to God.I began to talk to God based on 1 Corinthians 1 v 30. The truth of Scripture began at the “head-level” but moved to a deeper place. I began to relate to God. The written word enabled me to engage with God and talk to him.The truths in that one verse reminded me of my connection to Christ. They captured who I was in Christ and how that was deeper, more profound and more beautiful than anything else in this world; even good things like peace, comfort, appreciation and respect!It is encouraging to know that there is hope for these everyday moments in your personal and interpersonal life.You can find a full explanation and illustration of this in Chapter 8 of Unstuck: A Nine-Step Journey to Change That Lasts

Read More
Loading

Categories

Archives