Responsibility allocation is a phrase we don’t use often. When applied to offenses in relationships, it is the ability to accurately determine who is responsible for what. When offenses are mild to moderate in their impact, responsibility allocation (while still important) is not pivotal. But as offenses become more severe, responsibility allocation becomes increasingly significant. Continue Reading →
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You may not have used the term “moralize” before, but it means “to give something moral weight.” We moralize something when we feel guilty about it. If the action is wrong, then it is right to moralize that action. Our guilt is helpful; it points us toward repentance. Hardly anyone would ask, “Why are you moralizing lying?” But if the action is not wrong, then to moralize that action introduces emotional and spiritual confusion. We might ask, “Why are you moralizing sadness, confusion, or boredom?” Continue Reading →
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This article is primarily for those new to biblical counseling or friends outside biblical counseling wondering, “Why do you guys (i.e., biblical counselors) do things the way you do?” I freely admit I cannot speak for all biblical counselors, and no article of 1,500 words can do justice to a subject of this breadth. But as a historian of biblical counseling, I hope I can give an adequate introduction to this question from a “Where are we and why did we get here?” perspective. Continue Reading →
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Let’s be honest, relational wisdom is most needed when it is most difficult to express. This is, at least in part, because relational wisdom is most needed when the topic of the conflict seems more important to us than the person with whom we are having conflict. In this article, I want to provide a tool to help cultivate relational wisdom—the awareness and ability to respond constructively in divisive contexts. Continue Reading →
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Where does the vast majority of care happen in a local church? It happens in the weekly rhythms of natural relationships: small groups, ministry teams, conversations between parents whose children are the same age, and relationships that emerge from various men’s or women’s discipleship contexts. Most of the care provided in a church does not happen in conversations that resemble counseling: set appointment times, intake forms, meetings in an office, or well-defined helper and helpee roles. Continue Reading →
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