The apostle Paul says “an overseer must be…not quarrelsome” (1 Tim. 3:2–3). Yet in my experience, quarrelsome people often hide behind the excuse, “I’m just principled” or “I’m standing up for the truth when no one else will.”
It’s not a completely unreasonable point. Many people seem to confuse having an opinion with being quarrelsome, hostile, and aggressive. But that’s not right.
So how do you know if you’re principled or just a contentious jerk?
My old Webster’s Dictionary defines quarrelsome as “apt or disposed to find fault; contentious.” Paul described how to not be contentious this way: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Eph. 4:31).
In other words, if you’re prone to debate, to sow discord, or to cause strife, then you are a contentious, quarrelsome person. If you are hungry for a good online fight or more committed to winning an argument than winning over an opponent, then you are a quarrelsome person.
To be sure, you might principled, too. Being principled doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the possibility of being quarrelsome. A principled person can indeed be quarrelsome in a way that disqualifies him from the
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