Christian husbands are given a particular responsibility—they are to love their wives in such a way that they help them become more like Christ. As Chad and Emily Van Dixhoorn express it in Gospel-Shaped Marriage, “husbands are to love their wives in a Christlike way and to help promote the purposes of Christ, in a Christlike fashion, for the good of their own wives. The love of Christ for his bride—a bride made up of sinful men and women—offers the model disposition that a husband ought to have for his wife, the orientation that should inform all of his thoughts, words, and actions.”

But many of us go about this in a way that is unfair, unwarranted, and ultimately unhelpful. “At their most unimaginative moments, husbands try to help spouses be like Christ’s perfected bride by identifying their wives’ faults with clinical precision.” But there is a better way. The Van Dixhoorns offer some diagnostic questions that will better guide a husband to truly helping his wife:

Are you loving her with all that you are and all that you have? In other words, do you, like Christ, love your wife deeply, sacrificially, purposefully, and faithfully? Are


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