by Ann Maree Goudzwaard
I believe we have missed the mark in ministering to women held captive by their husband’s cruel words. I want you to know that the reason I feel I have permission to say this is that I am one of the chief offenders. I’ve been a biblical counselor for over ten years, but I’ve recently come to realize that I have inaccurately discerned how best to serve women stuck behind this wall of devastation.
As I’ve sat with a wife diminished by her husband,[1] I’ve quickly detected bitterness. I’ve listened to angry words. I’ve observed contempt for her husband as she spoke. I’ve witnessed the hopelessness she has and I’ve heard her desire to flee from her marriage. My focus has been to help her respond biblically to the situation,[2] so I’ve deferred to 1 Thessalonians 5:14 to help me discern her heart. I’ve wanted to, as best as possible, accurately minister the word to her soul. But honestly—I must admit that I’ve carelessly misclassified these women.
This passage tells us to, “admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, and help the weak.” Idle can also be understood as “disorderly,” or “undisciplined.” The women I’ve counseled certainly
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