What did you expect when you found yourself expecting?*

Years ago, I imagined motherhood would be full of joyous milestones and memorable moments. What I didn’t expect was so much hurt, heartbreak, conflict, and disappointment. I’ve often felt clueless and incapable. I’ve beaten myself up for not being the mother I thought I should be—the kind of Christian woman who can handle whatever comes her way with pep in her step and a smile on her face. That’s one of the reasons that I wrote this book. I wanted to debunk the notion that faithful believers never groan as they wearily plod through the miserable muck of life. God knows they do. Frequently.

Although much of what I share in these pages is relevant to suffering saints in general, I offer Midnight Mercies specifically to depressed mothers because there are so few biblical resources that give voice to their experiences of despair. Suicide attempts among pregnant and postpartum women are a real and pressing issue. That “mommy needs wine” to cope with stress and sorrow has become a highly marketable and socially acceptable message in the United States—even among professing Christians. As a mother whose story includes suicidal ideations and


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