When helpers are caring for people who have suffered at the hands of others, they are often perplexed by the question: Is it abuse? Is that pattern in the home just a bit of volatility or is it abusive? Is limiting a spouse’s spending a wise use of money or is it a way to control and dominate? This blog will provide you with some preliminary ways to think about gaining clarity. I will also give you a list of resources to help you further determine the presence of abuse and a few first steps forward if it is.
Dear Helper,
Is it abuse? What a weighty question. The implications of getting it right are quite significant, so feeling unsure of the answer is unsettling. I have been there. As I listen to stories or observe someone in counseling, I sometimes have more questions than answers.
Abuse can be difficult to detect. We cannot always depend on the presence of certain behaviors (hitting, manipulation, isolation) to determine the answer. It is about detecting if one spouse coercively controls the other. Control can be established subtly, especially with emotional and spiritual abuse. It often takes time to uncover patterns of
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