Paul says an elder must not be quarrelsome (1 Tim. 3:2-3). What can we learn from the book of Proverbs about what it means to be quarrelsome?
What is Quarrelsomeness in Proverbs?
A brief survey of the Proverbs offers a helpful summary of “quarrelsomeness.” It is a form of “strife”— relational conflict, disagreement, tension, and verbal fighting between individuals (Prov. 17:14; 20:3). Proverbs implicates both genders in this tendency. The “quarrelsome wife” (Prov. 19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:14) and the “quarrelsome man” (Prov. 20:3; 26:21) are both identified.
What form does this “relational conflict” take? Quarreling is when a conversation begins to ramp up in intensity: “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). Quarreling is what happens when people enjoy the “drama” of a verbal joust rather than working patiently toward solutions (Prov. 18:18, 26:21). Quarreling occurs when people are entrenched in their positions and unwilling to give an inch to others (Prov. 18:19). It is the mark of a fool (Prov. 20:3).
Where Does Quarrelsomeness Come From?
In Proverbs, quarrelsomeness tends to reside among those who have strong opinions. Proverbs calls such people “powerful contenders” (Prov. 18:18). These people are “unyielding” (Prov. 18:19). They have very few unarticulated thoughts. They
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