“It’s not fair!” This is our instinctive complaint when we do not get what we want. Most adults have learned to hide this feeling, so we notice it most in children. They are quick to lament the injustice of a moment and vocally declare their parents unfair. Children need no course in identifying fairness; it is as though it is innately wired within them. Consider these statements:
“That’s not fair. My brother got a phone when he was 13; why can’t I have one?”
“Why does he get to stay up late and I can’t?”
“It’s not fair! I’m the only one with a curfew.”
The underlying belief is that what happens for one person must happen for the next person, too, or to be more accurate, “I must have the same as whoever has the most and the best.” Voilà! Fairness!
When your child is denied what they believe they deserve, they turn to you and question—even challenge—your goodness. “It’s not fair” often morphs into “You are not fair” or “You are not good.” A young person’s heart is always at work when they complain about fairness, so in our home, we keep it simple. We reply with something like
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