Death is not the worst thing that can happen in a marriage. Unfaithfulness is. Lies, cover-ups, any worldly affection that surpasses one’s affection for the other—these are more complicated griefs that get reignited most every day after the betrayal. A third person, whether known or not, seems to have intruded into the marriage relationship and refuses to leave.
Reconciliation is certainly possible after marital betrayal. The determining factor is ending the unfaithfulness. If the unfaithful person has given evidence that he or she has genuinely returned, marriages reconcile more often than not.
“Evidence,” of course, is one of the challenges. Unfaithful spouses occasionally believe that their word is enough when a moment’s reflection reveals that such expectations are foolish. “Love believes all things” (1 Cor 13:7) does not mean that we simply believe everyone when Scripture is also clear that liars abound. Instead, confession is the first step, and it is an opportunity for the unfaithful person to begin compiling evidence of faithfulness. This is the privilege and responsibility of love.
Healthy marriages aim to give evidence of faithfulness every day. We are faithful in small things. If we say we will do something, we do it. If a
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