We should keep a list of how our words have damaged relationships and undermined sensitive conversations. Our growth in wisdom depends on remembering and changing our foolish habits.
For example, one of my foolish habits during disagreements with my wife has been to prioritize my own sense of being rejected. When I perceive rejection from her, it seems to reach into my soul and rob me of spiritual power. Suddenly, I can’t hear and can’t love, and it is all her fault. A truly foolish, deadly practice. I am gradually prioritizing my relationship and my calling to love over my sense of rejection, but the pace seems glacial.
What is on your list? Listen especially for words spoken calmly. These are easy to miss.
You know you trashed a conversation when you . . .
Say “never” or “always.” We know this and still do it.
Say something like “Look who’s talking. That’s exactly what you do.” Does anyone not do this? It has everything to do with being right-er and nothing to do with love, but it still evades detection.
Say nothing and walk away. Some couples agree to do this—a cooling-off period—and it is better than violence, but
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