by Dr. Jim Newheiser

 

Do you remember playing the game Battleship when you were a kid? You would try to discover where your opponent had stationed his ships on a grid representing the ocean so you could shoot and sink them. One shot, however, wouldn’t sink a battleship. Some ships could be sunk with as few as two hits while others would require as many as five.

As I have been involved in counseling cases of marital abuse I have observed a pattern which reminds me of the game Battleship. Few marriages are sunk with just one incident of abuse or incident of a church’s faulty counsel (shot). However, I have observed a pattern of multiple shots which can sink a marriage.

The first shot – The husband and the wife are experiencing increasing conflict in their marriage. The husband is controlling and demanding and becomes angry when he doesn’t get his way (James 4:1-2). He says that there would be peace and happiness if the wife would be more submissive and helpful, often quoting Ephesians 5:22. Sometimes the wife reacts with anger, impatience, or disrespect. Understanding that she too is a sinner, she thinks, “perhaps it is


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