As I listen to people recount the hurts they carry with them, many ask me, “Is it sinful to keep a record of how others have hurt me?” They are thinking about 1 Corinthians 13:5, which says, “[Love] keeps no record of wrongs.” I find this question central for abuse victims. They wonder how to both acknowledge what happened to them and obey God. This can be challenging to sort through. The answer to this question is not a simple yes or no because it depends on the record you are keeping. Are the wrongs routine conflicts between equals that were settled in the past but the issue is brought up again and again? Or are the wrongs reflective of abuse where one person is unwilling to repent and their acts are too grievous for the victim to overlook?
When I counsel someone in a potential domestic abuse situation, I ask them to keep a record of wrongs—quite literally. I suggest they keep a journal to record the specifics of their conflicts (what is said and done, verbally and physically, etc.). My aim is to help the embattled person sort through the ongoing patterns in their home, and to do
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