The good cop, bad cop approach may work well when eliciting criminal confessions, but it was never intended for the home. You might notice it when one parent says, “Don’t tell your father [or mother]” and then modifies or subverts what the other parent said. These parents may have any number of reasons for their actions, but they are rarely asking, “Is what I am saying wise and helpful for this family?”
This theme has its variations. Perhaps one parent is known more for grace, and the other law. The basic idea here is that some parents are more permissive; others want to enforce boundaries. The good cop makes exceptions when rules are broken. The bad cop assumes that broken rules have consequences. These differences are common, and they are also a sign that important and hard work is ahead for that marriage.
After my first child was born, I felt the weight of being a parent, though in a good way. I wanted to learn and grow into being a truly good father to my daughter. To that end, I asked an older woman who had a good marriage and a fine, unified family for her secret. Her advice
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